A Story to Tell

The worst part about this situation is being called a slut by people who know me, seeing comments on different sites saying “she’s playing the victim” or “she asked for it by sending the pictures”. Had I been smarter at the time, maybe I would have sent those pictures without my face in them, or maybe I wouldn’t have sent them at all. But I can tell you exactly what I was thinking at the time. I thought about how much I trusted him, how much I cared and loved him, and that I was almost certain I would marry him someday. After ten years of knowing someone, why wouldn’t I trust him?

Call me every name in the book. I will be the first to admit that I made a mistake by trusting a disgusting, hideous, betraying monster, but what he did after I hit send…that was all on him. He chose the path he now has to live with. He deserves everything the justice system gives him. He violated me every day for almost two years. He sent people to find me in my own home.  He made me fearful every day of my life! I became someone who is now constantly looking over her shoulder and checking her rear view mirror to make sure nobody is following her. His actions changed me completely.

The lesson I learned is that not every person is good and not every person is brought up with the same morals. I’ve learned that I shouldn’t trust everyone, but I also refuse to let this turn me into someone who closes off to the world. I’ve decided to take my negativity and turn it into something positive. I decided to tell my story, regardless of the criticism I may receive, with the hope that I will change one person’s life, and if I can do that then I’ve done my job.

  • Thank God for a smart, savvy, women like you. Your taking on a tough subject in America now, all of these powerful cell phones and the disgusting, depraved people who weld them for their own incredibly twisted and evil purposes. Never trust anyone with one of these phones, the temptation is to great for these masters of mayhem. The law has to catch up with these pornographers and treat this as a crime with at least a minimum sentence and a nice fat fine. The ones who are talking behind your back are probably holding their breath hoping it doesn’t happen to them… and praying your ultimately successful at the same time. Good Luck and Hold Your Head Up With Pride…Counting on you.

  • Kate

    I’ve had my own pm picture flashed around on a cell phone at the local Starbucks via an ex I dated for 3 years. Inside I felt ashamed, imperfect, angry, violated, and disgusted, but on the outside I simply waved my hand at his actions and pretended to look at the picture. “Now you know how good he had it, huh?!” I couldn’t count on patrons to admit in court that he had done so because they were all too busy saying how the freeloader was terrified of me the whole time he mooched off and beat on me. He was almost 3 times my weight, twice my size, and never paid a dime into the apartment he locked me in!

    The same guy wrote this about a gf he dated after me:
    He owes the girl restitution for his actions, but he was never convicted for writing this about her and it was never removed from the site. I tried to contact her to offer her support, and internet crimes contacted me back. During the proceedings, I offered Internet crimes police my computer because I know from the evidence he presented (emails between me and my attorney) during my own trials that he had hacked my computer, but they were not interested. I thought about sending her a fruit basket for ‘winning’ her case, but she would probably think the apples were poison.

    Because it was a domestic violence situation and I was nosy enough to feed into any chance of retribution for that my friends would voluntarily offer me, I developed PTSD and panic attacks after looking into the next girl’s situation. How can such a terrible man go unpunished for so much?! I’ve stopped talking to most of my friends and family because they keep bringing the guy up. I fear seeing and hearing what else he might do. Every once in a while, he’ll send certified mail to let me know he knows where I am or find some other clever way to let me know he’s still watching, but there’s not much I can do about it.

  • Diana

    Hello Hoolie

    I´m portuguese, so don´t know speak english very well. I understand you so much, i feel the same, i´m a victim to. Ervery days when I´wake up in the morning, I think I wanna die, I feel guilty to take naked pictures, I feel shame, I feel so bad! Nobody knows, nobodys 🙁 I think many times, I will survive to this? it is possible? I will be happy one day?

  • Dixie Lee

    I’ve shared a little bit about what I went through, but I’ll share more over time. Holly, I admire you so much. I also want to mention Shelley Lubben who founded The Pink Cross Foundation. It’s a non profit that helps women get out of the porn industry. She is a born again Christian and very smart and courageous. You are courageous too Holly.

    I had some creeps spy on my husband and I at our apartment and you could see through the blinds. We didn’t have curtains, but we also didn’t worry about some FREAKS spying on! I also think there were cameras put in our apartment for how people talked, teased and joked at my expense! I was stalked for 2 1/2 years! I’m not joking! I couldn’t get my father or my husband to believe me that it happened. My situation is different than some, but it’s similar in that I was filmed doing something you expect to have privacy. It was illegal and immoral. I could have hired a private detective to find out sooner and I admit that. I was a part time worker and my husband was the main bread winner, so I didn’t want to cause waves by using some of our savings to hire someone. I made the situation worse in some ways because I knew the things that were being spread around were unflattering habits or details in our personal life. I felt afraid and guilty at the same time. All the details first came out at a job site. It really hurt my life AND MY SOUL for a long time. Privacy invasion, including having photos or video tape images of people on Facebook, the internet or wherever is LIKE A KNIFE IN SOMEONES’ soul. There more to this and I’ll share more over time. If I had contacted a P.I. sooner, yes, this would have resolved sooner, but IT WAS STILL WRONG! Was there some unflattering things that came out of the peeping tom incidences at out apartment? Yes. But it was illegal and wrong to spy, film myself and my husband and TO POST ANYTHING where you legally expect PRIVACY on the internet or Facebook or even, now with FAST-changing technology, on hand held devices! We need to strengthen the laws and get the SICK, COWARDLY men and maybe, in some cases, women in JAIL. They need to pay fines too. The reason I brought up Shelley Lubben is because, even though she is fighting the disgusting pornography industry, images such as mine, even though you would consider them PRIVATE and even gross for people to see, I found out as I searched the web for answers and read other BRAVE WOMEN who have written about the sad, sick world of pornography that there some men and maybe more than want to admit that watch VERY DEGRADING, HUMILIATING, DEBASING or what would be considered “bathroom privacy” images/video and get their kicks!!! That is so pathetic and they are biggest losers of all! Making women in situations where they are in the bathroom into a form of pornography is showing the filth and internal desires of some men. It’s wrong and they need to be held accountable. It’s never o.k. to show people who have been filmed in private situations on the internet etc., but to consider it a form of entertainment especially if the person was caught unaware or betrayed. In other words, they had no idea they were filmed, NEEDS TO BE MADE A FELONY. Like so many women including Susan Wilson. They made a movie of her and it was shown on Lifetime cable channel, these actions have wounded us at such a deep, deep level. Holly, my husband and I support you and admire you. People look up Susan Wilson and Shelley Lubben who founded The Pink Cross Foundation. Also I want to mention the book Pornified by Pamela Paul and The Macho Paradox by Jackson Katz. It’s about STOPPING TERRIBLE ABUSIVE DISRESPECT toward women and so much more! Let’s work together! God Bless. Dixie

  • Dixie Lee

    Anisha, You’ve helped me a lot and I feel I understand what you went through. I learned, unfortunately, that not everyone around me will be kind, do the right things or enough moral maturity based on their background. I definitely have made my share of mistakes, including immoral ones, but overall, I would not do to anyone (in this terrible betrayal I went through) what was done (harmed) to me. I felt so guilty about some of the personal details that everyone was finding (as I was stalked), I just froze. I literally hoped it would go away. I finally learned and believe, that even if unflattering things came out about me and my past, I didn’t deserve to have this happen. I feel mine was a revenge situation and there was, after a very long time of it continuing, an investigation of sorts, but I was NEVER told about it. My father told me that sometimes the victim isn’t told because the investigation may be on-going. I would have hired someone SOONER looking back, because my emotional state became RAGE-FILLED and then I started to react inappropriately, but OVERALL, I finally realize I didn’t deserve to be filmed, spyed on or hurt in this way. Someone (and I had my guesses) wanted revenge and they went into an evil and dark place to get their revenge. I know – deep down – they have or will pay a high price for what they’ve done and I am thankful. Anisha, Thank you. Your story has helped me I mean that sincerely. God Bless. Dixie

  • Maggie may

    I was dating a man from garland Texas. It had been a few months and I thought he was great. Polite, courteous , a real gentleman.
    One day while out for a country drive he started to tell me about the woman he had lived with for 9 years before he met me. The relationship did not end well as she let him for another man.
    He told me that to get back on her for leaving him he had taken old polaroid’s of her using a sex toy on herself that he had taken and sent them to both her boss and to her father.
    These pics were not emailed. He sent these through the US postal service.
    After telling me this story he turns to me with this huge smile and say to me ” great huh….isn’t that the best” I was in complete utter shock and told him how heinous I thought his behaviour was. he looked at me dumbfounded. Confused as to why I found this so horrendous. This was not a young man. This was a man in his late 60ties. If he had been internet say I am quite sure he would have posted them online. He laughed at how she had to change jobs and move states to get away from him.
    My point is. It does not matter if the photos are digital or polaroid’s. It does not matter if the man is young or old enough to know better. It is never wise to let anyone take a nude or pornographic photo of you. I dumped that man the next day BUT had he not told me the story he did I would never have know how crazy and revengeful he was.
    Beware ladies.

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  • Amanda

    Another victim here. I’m lucky to have awesome family and friends, and once I told them about it, it had much much less power over me. The people who matter to me know the full story, and they support me 100%. I had to let go of my attempts to get it taken down because it would just pop up again somewhere else and was consuming every day of my life.

    But it’s never really gone. I now live in a different state, I work in a hospital, and a staff member did the whole “I know you from somewhere” spiel. We’d discussed every possible link for a connection and there wasn’t one. About two months ago, instead of the friendly but contemplative glance in passing that I had grown used to – there was something else, a little darker behind that smile.

    He has figured out where he knows me from.

    It’s been years since I’ve cried about this – years since I’ve let this have power over me – but that has just sent me back to day 1 all over again.

    My professional life feels in jeapordy, and I don’t want to move interstate again – particularly when I have no recourse to prevent the same thing from happenning again.

    The effects live on after the pictures.

    I carry my phone in my pocket, with a shortcut to the voice recorder ready to activate in case I get cornered and blackmailed.

    It’s the only weapon I have.

    And what was my crime? To allow my ex- fiancé of 3 years to take photos he had been begging to for a long time.

    I don’t even understand it from a revenge perspective – he ended the relationship !

    When he wanted to cheat on his new partner and I refused – is that mere rejection enough to warrant this?

    A new law that states any pornographic image must be accompanied by a release and royalties statement giving rights to that specific site needs to exist. One singular violation means the site is taken down.

  • Arilynn

    As a member of the military and this happening to me as well I cant tell you how frustrated I was when it happened to me as well. My ex husband was deployed and little did I know that he was recording me, showing his buddies my pictures I had sent him and videos that were meant for him only. After our divorce he used them to blackmail me, harass me and belittle me. By this time he was out of the military and in his home state emailing the pictures to people I work with my commanding officers and my first sergeant. I went through loops for a year with legal, the state troopers in the state i was stationed and my ex husbands home state (which is my home state as well). Finally I went home on leave and he posted them to sites like redbox.com, xhampster.com, YouTube, pornhub and several other sites. He sent the links to my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and even my cousins in high school. I went to a football game and had a stranger come up to me and ask me strange questions as if I had done that for my own purposes while I was in uniform. I was mortified and even felt humiliated to be wearing my abus. I looked on the site and saw my email address my Facebook, Skype, oovoo, and Instagram information on there. I had people constantly emailing me and contacting me ob skype. I couldn’t start a normal relationship with my boyfriend because I was afraid he would think I was a slut. But when I was home since we were both finally in the same state I got a personal protection order for my grandparents house and he was charged with malicious use of telecommunications and stalking. I heard a while back that he threatened to kill me if he ever saw me again. Needless to say, I’m thankful that I got the personal protection order

    • ERPadmin

      If you are still having issues with this please feel free to reach out to us through our contact form. We may be able to direct you to some resources for service members.

  • leigh ann

    Last year I broke up with my boyfriend, although I once loved him he wasn’t treating me good. After the breakup, I got a text from a girl in my school that said, “I just thought you have the right to know what people are talking about…”
    I found out that my ex was showing his friends a video of us having sex – that I had no clue about… I don’t think I have ever felt that terrible in my lifetime.
    I threatened him with police..
    The principle didn’t do anything but say how sorry she was.
    Everyday I had to walk the school wondering who has seen that video… or pictures I had trusted him with at one point in time..
    I google my name to double check.. I remember seeing him on a site (maybe tumblr?) Where guys posted nudes of girls… I have this urge to check sites to see if I’m there, but I don’t know where to look. I don’t believe he would tag my name because of my threats. But he is still a sick scumbag and I’m scared he has those pictures and that video still. I’m really happy I found this site, it’s a relief to know I’m not the only one who trusted the wrong person.

  • Elizabeth

    Your not alone… I’m also a victim. Tomorrow I’m going to the police. This guy has been sending pic of me to everyone he know. Not only that. It seem to have been happening for awhile now. I have a one year old. People see me and
    Take pictures of me. Even in my own little back yard. The nieghbor kids are stalking me. I have no privacy. I pray to god every night. I will tell u guys what happens tomorrow. Even in church people are talking bad about me. Calling me a whore. I’m not a whore. I had nude pic that was taken from his phone. Yes I was stupid. But that still doesn’t give him the right to send it to everybody. Thanks for the site. I feel somewhat better but I can still use you ladies support. Thanks

  • Hope

    I was up late one night and decided to google my name – which I had done a few times before, just to see what was on there – and I crumbled inside when I saw what came up. I saw pictures posted on a revenge porn site (these pictures had been taken during my marriage…a marriage that had recently ended in divorce due to domestic violence). This monster had continuously abused me during our relationship, and finally got arrested on two felony charges (assault by strangulation and 2nd degree kidnapping) and a misdemeanor charge of assault on a female. I went through a year and a half of court dates which ended with him going to prison and I was granted a restraining order. The day after he got out of prison he tried to file a restraining order against me – I was shocked. I just wanted him to forget about me and leave me alone. The judge saw through him, and denied the order. My attorney said the judge let him speak so that “his lies are on record”. I thought it was all over. A few weeks later I found pictures on the first site. My ex was seeking retribution because he had ended up in prison – which is exactly where he belongs. I contacted the webmaster and said they were in violation of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and a few days later the pictures were down, but the post ended up on an archived site. There I was, smiling in a bikini surrounded by pornographic banners. My friends said to just forget about it. They said it would only hurt me as much as I let it. So, I pushed it to the back of my mind- after I set up a google alert for my name (just in case). I woke up last Sunday to an alert saying that there were more naked pictures of me. I couldn’t stop crying after I looked at the site. It had been up for 3 days and already had 14000 views. I contacted my lawyer the next day and she said I could have him charged with “cyber-bullying”…the thing is, I am hiding from him because he threatened on many occasions to kill me – and I know he means it. I have already moved four times and changed my phone number multiple times since he strangled me. Why would I want to face him in court? I am going to have to change my name and social security number now. My life is forever changed by my abuser and I am so incredibly angry (not only at him, but at myself for allowing those pictures to be taken). Never again will I trust anyone like that. I want to take this anger and channel it into something positive like helping other victims of revenge porn.

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